The day you lose all faith in yourself and your abilities, in life, in your investment of love, time and effort. The day when your world implodes, collapsing into itself like a silent clip of a building doomed for demolition, charges expertly set, caving neatly inwards, leaving only a plume of smoke. The day, when what you believe in becomes alien and irrelevant because you are unable to apply it to life. The day, when who you believe in turns into the anti-thesis of what you believe in and takes you with them to a place you have vowed never to go. The day you really don’t want to do it anymore. Not life, just it. But it is what you do and not wanting that anymore makes you insignificant.
That day was yesterday.
You wake up today and for a split second your brain has not caught up yet, still tangled in the web of dreams and thoughts jangled in half sleep, and for a few moments everything is alright. Then the memory of yesterday is there, suddenly and with exquisite clarity, making you want to sink back into the oblivion of sleep and unconsciousness. But you get up and get dressed and make breakfast and try to smile.
Because there will be other days like yesterday. You have already done days like yesterday. As you look out of the window you see the delphiniums you have so valiantly defended from the slugs, rise upwards and bloom, you smile a little smile because that, despite everything, brings you joy. And it is at that point you begin again and carry on.
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength“. Gandhi